More new music on the horizon?
I'll be honest. I should be working on the remaining mixes for Invertebrate Waltz... but instead, my head's been in a very different place over the last few weeks.
A few months ago, I had it in my head that I wanted to write a song for someone by Christmas... But writing a song for someone (with that person as an intentional and singular audience) is a very strange and ugly task, and it's not something that I feel super comfortable doing as a songwriter. I think it's kind of a psycho move, to be honest- to just say "Hi, I wrote you a song. Here it is! appreciate it. 🤗 " Frankly, I don't think it ever ends well. People are fickle and complicated things, and there's just way too much to consider. My feelings (the kind that I muck around with when I'm writing) are seldom something I feel clearly about. The recipient of that song also then evaluates and inevitably uses it to inform what they think you think about them... and that's a lot of pressure to put on a song! I don't know about you, but I seldom think my songs precisely and perfectly say what I want originally thought I wanted them to say.
A friend suggested to me that I record a cover of a holiday song instead, so I started practicing and recording that... and it quickly snowballed into a full mix/ arrangement. Ultimately I don't think it came together quite like I'd hoped. But, as I was working on that mix, I started to get back into the swing of mixing and recording demos. I knew I had a lot of songs piling up from all the attempts at writing a song for someone as a gift, so I started recording and tinkering with a few of those...
This week I wrote one more, and suddenly I start to see another album taking shape. I don't think any of the individual songs is quite the singular song I originally wanted to write, but I can tell there's something good here, and something does start to emerge from the conglomerate that is sort of right.
Last night, after I recorded a demo for what I expect to be the final track on that collection, I took a minute to think about what exactly this new project is trying to say. I don't think I have all the answers yet (often the broader themes of the work emerge over time/ as you step away and view everything as a whole) but I realized that I am definitely NOT writing this FOR someone. That's never been how I work. Many of my projects start with a particular person or relationship in mind, but I think the project is like firing a gun next to them, rather than at them. Thinking back to some of my earliest complete songs, this has been a theme of how and when I feel creatively inspired to make music.
My songs aren't always nice - they are often quite critical. Sometimes critical of me, and my relationship with my feelings surrounding a situation, and other times critical of someone else, and their relationship with their emotions or actions. I think this creates conflict in my songs and helps give them a reason to exist. It gives me a reason to want the song to exist in the first place. It helps me discover/identify and give a voice to things in my life that create difficult or strange emotions.
If I had to try (flailing, like a newborn baby trying to turn experiences into words for the first time) to articulate the theme/ concept of this collection of music right now... I would say it's about looking forward to a certain vision of the future. It's about having hope, and being excited for things to come, while also feeling fearful and anxious about the unknown. It's about how strange it is to believe in a particular future- comitting (in the present) to something that has not happened yet but intends to change your whole life. It's about the exciting potential in something new and unproven. It's about what it feels like to want to cash in favors in the pursuit of something new- to cross things off, spend some savings, and pack up your old life for something exciting and new! It's about understanding the soupy mix of fear, excitement, and dread of putting yourself in a situation where things will be very different for you. It's about the glorious, difficult, and anxious anticipation of actually doing something that might change your life.
I'm excited to see where this project goes. At the moment, it's hard not to let it eclipse Invertebrate Waltz a bit...