Minor Personal Crisis Averted 😅

Something pretty alarming almost happened to me this week. There was a situation outside my control that created a lot of stress, and sort of thew off my routine- I found it much harder to make my weekly posts (to say the least...) The specific circumstances are not important, but I almost lost a pretty significant amount of money. There was a misunderstanding/ miscommunication about budgets with a company I was working with on an a project (entirely unrelated to my music.)

It wasn't so much money that it would immediately ruin my life, but it was enough that I had to do some serious self reflection. It forced me to consider what money really is/means to me at this moment in my life- and what a loss like that would mean for my future.

I realized that money (for me, right now) represents potential. I'm in a chapter of my life where money is saved to be spent on bigger and better projects and to make major moves that will set me up for the life I want to have. I'm still paying off student loans and trying to fund albums, etc... Losing a lot of money like that would have meant less capacity to do the kind of exciting big projects I want to do- and that was a serious wake up call!

This acute stress actually forced me to clarify what I can/ should/ want to be using that money for. It forced me to prioritize my ambitions in a way that was a actually very productive and honest.

I also had a sort of emotional awakening through this experience too. I think, deep down, I thought I was immune to loss as long as I stayed in my current house, kept my current job, and just... basically maintained my current lifestyle perpetuity... but this incident shocked my reality. I distinctly remember sitting in my bed and realizing that everything around me is just an object, and that all the comforts and conveniences in my life are temporary, situational, and ephemeral. Owning something is just a temporary condition of that thing. This thought made me less afraid of loss, and less afraid of making big changes (like potentially moving or changing jobs someday).

After about 4 days of coming to terms with this impending loss... this morning I found out the situation got resolved (at least on my end), and I made it out unscathed... I can't say how relieved I was to hear this. I'm so thankful for the way this worked out, and even though it was a stressful experience, it was personally eye opening and I'm glad I had this moment of reflection and personal clarity. What a birthday present!