January ❄️ 🙄 ❄️

Work continues on Invertebrate Waltz! - though admittedly slower than expected... I've begun to realize a few things about myself and my creative habits.

I'm finding myself far more in tune with the processes involved in making new songs than refining songs that are more than a year old... I love when I am working through the uncertain murky parts of writing. I enjoy the difficult process of refining a raw idea/ outline and giving voice to a feeling that's fresh and alive. I've talked a lot about how much I love when the process of writing a song helps me clarify my own feelings and work through them- and that doesn't feel as much like it's happening right now with Invertebrate Waltz.

I've always considered myself much more of a "songwriter" than a "musician". For me, the creative and intuitive decisions that go into constructing a song are much more exciting than the technical execution and recording of a project. This is part of why I seldom devote any attention to writing covers or learning songs by other musicians.

I know that re-learning and practicing my own songs is a much more flexible process than learning someone else's song from scratch, but the project lately has felt much more like learning/ adapting a cover than writing my own, current music.

Part of the difficulty jumping back into these songs has to do with the subject matter/ tone of the project, and the feeling it demands from me. The feelings and themes in this project are a bit harsh and frustrating, and I'm not always ready to enter that world with my whole heart. I know, logically, that these songs are good and have a lot to say, but it's hard to let myself be in a state where I feel an unstoppable urge to express them.

I think the season is getting to me, too. I've been quite distracted lately. Over the last few months I've been experiencing a barrage of new feelings and exciting developments in my personal life that have inspired a rather urgent need to write lots of new songs. I really feel lost and anxious when I'm not using music and songwriting as a tool to process my present moment (this is both a blessing and a curse for sure...)

I have no intention of giving up, I'm merely taking a moment to gather my thoughts and reflect on how everything has been going lately. When I sit down and play through these songs, I leave with the feeling that this album is genuinely quite good, cohesive, and relevant. I do want it to exist and be heard, and it will.