Work continues on Invertebrate Waltz! - though admittedly slower than expected... I've begun to realize a few things about myself and my creative habits.
I'm finding myself far more in tune with the processes involved in making new songs than refining songs that are more than a year old... I love when I am working through the uncertain murky parts of writing. I enjoy the difficult process of refining a raw idea/ outline and giving voice to a feeling that's fresh and alive. I've talked a lot about how much I love when the process of writing a song helps me clarify my own feelings and work through them- and that doesn't feel as much like it's happening right now with Invertebrate Waltz.
I've always considered myself much more of a "songwriter" than a "musician". For me, the creative and intuitive decisions that go into constructing a song are much more exciting than the technical execution and recording of a project. This is part of why I seldom devote any attention to writing covers or learning songs by other musicians.
I know that re-learning and practicing my own songs is a much more flexible process than learning someone else's song from scratch, but the project lately has felt much more like learning/ adapting a cover than writing my own, current music.
Part of the difficulty jumping back into these songs has to do with the subject matter/ tone of the project, and the feeling it demands from me. The feelings and themes in this project are a bit harsh and frustrating, and I'm not always ready to enter that world with my whole heart. I know, logically, that these songs are good and have a lot to say, but it's hard to let myself be in a state where I feel an unstoppable urge to express them.
I think the season is getting to me, too. I've been quite distracted lately. Over the last few months I've been experiencing a barrage of new feelings and exciting developments in my personal life that have inspired a rather urgent need to write lots of new songs. I really feel lost and anxious when I'm not using music and songwriting as a tool to process my present moment (this is both a blessing and a curse for sure...)
I have no intention of giving up, I'm merely taking a moment to gather my thoughts and reflect on how everything has been going lately. When I sit down and play through these songs, I leave with the feeling that this album is genuinely quite good, cohesive, and relevant. I do want it to exist and be heard, and it will.
2023 was a truly remarkable year for me. I feel like my life has finally fully out from the shadow of the pandemic and I've really been living my 20s to the fullest!
It was a year of exciting beginnings for me- I feel like I've really started to turn the page on a new chapter. So many of the personal and professional developments that happened for me between 2019 and 2022 have finally started to reach some sense of resolution, and I'm able to look fondly on that time, what it meant for me, and how it's shaped the trajectory of my life.
I can't wait to see what 2024 brings! Things in my life are looking very good right now, and I can't wait to see how everything develops!
I know that outside my little bubble things are looking rather scary, and I'd be lying if I said some of the anxiety floating around the world right now has not been creeping into my music. I have a lot to write about, and I don't see myself stopping work on new songs anytime soon ❤️
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I don't know everything. I think it's healthy and important to live a lifestyle that challenges you and asks you to grow. The most significant period of artistic growth I had as a musician happened when I decided to swallow whatever pride I thought I had, and start seeking more information and watching a TON of dopey tutorials and how to actually use all the plugins and tools I'd been messing around with for so long.
Matisse talks about how, as an artist, you should be open to studying and learning, but to always remember and guard your original naive ideas (because theres usually some magic in them). Sometimes it can feel like diving into a lot of serious heady lessons about your craft will somehow dilute your genius and make you more like everyone else... but this simply isn't true. You want to make what you want to make, and you always will. It's important to remember that when you truely learn to use a tool, you are NOT learning to craft a specific thing. Your creation will always be yours, and all the interesting problem solving you've always done (that thing that "makes you sound like you") will still be there. You won't forget how to do it. You will simply understand better what "it" is that you are doing. It's never to late to learn something new, or let yourself be taught something you think you already know. You'll only continue to grow, and you'll only get better at making your thing as time goes on.
A few months ago I came across a 10 hour masterclass on compression, made available totally for free on youtube... I've been meaning to watch it, and this week I've finally started diving in. As tempting as it is to skip around (because the basic concepts certainly aren't new to me), I've decided to commit myself to watching the course from front to back, and take notes- treating it like I would any other academic course. So far, I haven't learned anything particularly new or enlightening, but it's been nice to have a bit of refresher, and see how another person organizes and presents basic information about how a compressor works. I feel like I really should watch it all the way through, because (frankly) I don't know what I don't know. There honestly could be something super foundational that I've just always overlooked, or never been shown. Honestly, some of the basic principals, like "how/when/why we apply makeup gain," and "how many milliseconds constitutes a 'fast' attack" have been nice to see explained so clearly. I find myself saying "yes- that's correct, that's exactly what I would do" but realizing I've never thought about it in these exact terms or with this much clarity of intention. Watching tutorials always makes me excited to jump back into mixing, but at the same time frustrated that all my old mixes could have sounded so much better if only I knew then what I know now...
This is the course I'm currently working through, I encourage anyone interested in a lot more about compression to watch it! I'm really enjoying it so far!